TURBINE | KAPOHAU

HEATHER HOLDAWAY

 

Town Council Economist

 

Ever since I was a little girl
I’ve always wanted to be a
Town Council Economist
At night, I’d look up at the starlink satellites
Flaring and pinging like a constellation
Imagine myself
Buried in gravity far below them
Head bowed over a desk
Sending emails deep into the good night, I say
Lu laughs, I laugh
We laugh
And then she keeps laughing
She looks behind me at the others
Including the awful Dirk
Who wanted to be a firefighter, growing up

He’s now in the serious crime squad
Dickhead
Sorry, Lu says, pushing up the sleeves of her shirt
She is rumpled and glorious, and leans forward
Her hair is thick with a history of astronaut aspirations
Glossy with dreams of being a textile artist
Wild with hopes of being the first female auto mechanic to service the lunar oil rigs
But I wasn’t lying when I said I had always wanted to be a
Town Council Economist
I’ve wanted about everything more or less
Probably including her
And definitely including being a
Town Council Economist
And I’ve compressed this want slightly
Year by year
Till it has become comprehensible
Like a walnut with many wrinkles
Something I can slip into my pocket and
Leave through the front door with
On my way to work

The horse, Lu now repeats after me
Yes, the horse, I say
I’m sorry, I’m just having a hard time
Fitting the horse into all of this, she says
She makes that circular gesture around the this
People do to ring-fence things they see
But don’t want to touch
Her shirt is white, only slightly creased from the beat
Bought on a mufti stipend for detectives
For the purposes of this interview
Are you familiar with the STAR format? She says
Yup no problem, I say
The situation was we had run out of reindeer
The task was to ensure the Christmas parade ran on time
The action I took was to borrow the schoolmaster’s horse in lieu of the reindeer
(Mr Mason? She says
Mr Mason, I say
That was nice of him, she says)
The result, was at that time at least, we had a hypothetically serviceable float
The town was primed for a well-earned Christmas celebration after a long winter
Our people’s joy, dulled for so long, seemed imminent
And so on and so forth
I’m a problem solver, you see, I say
Yes, no that’s clear, she says
She has a drink of water
It comes from the metal sink in the corner of the room
I had watched her fill up the jug from my chair bolted to the centre of the floor
Before the interview began
That the town infrastructure was once again providing drinkable water after the parade
Had pleased me no end
She sets down the glass between us
The water sits inside silkily
It’s one of my top five Clifton Strengths, I say
Pardon? she says
Problem solving, I say
You know, Clifton Strengths
They suggest you lean into your top five
Worry less about the one’s at the bottom of the list, not much you can do with them
I say
I smile and try to raise my hands in a genial what can you do expression
But the shackles are very short and jerk my hands back with a loud clang
I clear my throat
Hold my eyes closed for a second longer than a blink
I do not move my hands off the table
I certainly do not clasp them between my thighs in shame
Not least because the shackles are quite short
Oh
Clifton Strengths, she says
Sure
She leans forward
When you say, ‘we’ had run out of reindeer
Do you mean ‘you—’ she begins
What’s yours? I say
I lean back as far as I can and
Try to rest my ankle on my knee
Sorry? she says
Your top five strengths, I say
I bet they’re good
A real mix
She leans back with wrist enclosed in an RSI strap
Absently rubbing a singed eyebrow and
Tapping a cheap biro against her teeth
They look strong and clean
I think of their hidden, cruelly-curving roots
I can’t recall, she says
When you say ‘we’ had run out—
Connectedness surely, I say, right?
Big picture connections, makes sense for a detective
That’s not what we’re here to discuss, she says
When you say ‘we—’
Achiever! That’s got to be one, I say
Maybe Woo?
She puts down the biro
Pushes up her already pushed up sleeves
Was it
Your fault
The Town Council ran out of reindeer? she says

I resist the urge to look out the window at the float
I can still see it smoke gently
Out the corner of my eye
So, I say
The situation was there had been famine following the Winter of Dust
The task was to ensure the town survived
The action I took was to point to the Town Council’s reindeer
With the blade end of my hatchet
Looking like that statue of Christopher Columbus
Pointing toward the horror of the future
The result of which was we were then short a reindeer or two come the annual Christmas parade
The result of which was we then used Mr Mason’s horse
The result of which was it then stumbled right into the parade bonfire
Being too tall in the brace with the reindeer
The result of which was, well, I say
I tug on my lapel with two hands
Only my lapel, being made out of home-woven hemp
Fragile from the fire
Tears a little
In our town of
Largely single bureaucrats
There is always someone to lend
A nice shirt or blazer
For a big date

And problem solving is your top five, she says
Yes, I say
Wow, she says, hmm
To her credit, she doesn’t laugh
She looks out the window instead
Tapping the biro again
Out the window there isn’t much to look at
A single tree
Next to the burned-out husk of the school
The gnarled shrunken remains of the float
The gentle drip of water from it
Dust and dust motes and
Weak fingers of afternoon sun waving between them
Waving like small children on a float might wave, almost?

I know during these things, she says
Waving a hand
We’re often tempted to use ‘we’, to include the team, but I’d really encourage you
To use ‘I’ statements
I nod
So when you say famine following the Winter of Dust
Could you elaborate a bit
On the part you played?
Hey I’d be more than happy to, Lu, I say
Don’t, she says
I imagine Dirk smiling behind the glass
I’d be more than happy to, Investigator Dunn, I say
So the situation was this
Before we had to eat the reindeer, they were a cornerstone in our local economy
Pulling tourists on sleighs and so on and so forth
Before they were a cornerstone of our local economy
They were busy being a cornerstone of another town’s local economy
The task was to beef up our local economy
The action I took was to lead a group of economists
Armed with hatchets and find these reindeer
Who had serendipitously strayed across our border late one night
And I say serendipitously
Because we expanded our borders that very night
And weren’t sure whether the reindeer would register this strategic geopolitical shift
And move accordingly
They didn’t
And the result was for a short while after we got the reindeer and
The happy tourists in sleighs
The result after that was a request from the neighbouring town for the reindeer back
The result after that was a resolution from multiple towns calling for our
Return of the Reindeer
The result after that was a series of minor skirmishes between
Warring bands of economists from both sides
Looking for more reindeer
The result after that was a multiplying number of border disputes
Expulsion of diplomats
Attempted annexations, though we were at least double their size
Triply rich before we took the reindeer
And as the Town Council Economist I could see
More land for us
Would have made a nice amenity area for the town
Chalets, maybe
On the the iron-rich soil fed by their unfortunately placed hospital
And more reindeer for us
Because, well
Why the hell not for us
The result after that was the deployment of rocks
From their side
The result after that was the deployment of unconventional armaments
From our side
Unfortunately
And I say unfortunately
Because we were hoping to scoop up their musk ox too
But we vaporised them accidentally
Along with the other towns
And most forms of arctic life

Lu taps her biro
Till it leaks sticky, black ink on her front teeth
I open my mouth
With the relief
Of confession
Dirk hustles in
Like a big man
Though he’s no Town Council Economist
Passes Lu a sealed envelope
She opens it, reads
Smiles with those strong blackened teeth
Well, she says, huh
That’s that
See you tonight at Don’s Dive Bar?
She snaps on one of the masks we all have to wear since the Winter of Dust
She’s decorated hers
Drawn hearts around her cop ID number that’s stamped in the corner
Some endearing scribbly faces too
Smiling endearingly
I walk home slowly
Without any sleighs available
Making soft tracks through the nuclear dust
Quiet as snow
By the Chalets
They are erecting a statue of a Town Council Economist
Out of reindeer bones.