JAMES BROWN

 

My Address

 
Like a lot of office workers, I often fantasise about physical work. 
Dave says writing your fantasies down can be a useful exercise. 
He says he likes my turn of phrase, but I don’t trust him. 
You need to be in regular contact with people to trust them. 
 
Studies suggest that regular contact is a major factor in securing a partner, 
and that long-term couples often have similar levels of education. 
63% of all relationships start at places of work or education. 
Actually, I just made that up. 
 
Did you know that introverts salivate more than extroverts? 
I’m not making THAT up. 
Does this make introverts sloppy kissers? 
NB: shyness is NOT the same as introversion. 
 
Address encrypted below. 
Yours, Sonnet Girl. 
 

Listen to James Brown read ‘My Address‘

The No Poem

 
No Dogs. No Children. No Minors. 
No Sugar. No Additives. No Preservatives. No Cholesterol. 
No Smoking. No Alcohol. No Busking. No Disco. 
No Cellphones. No Calculators. No Skateboards. 
No Parking. No Throughway. No Stopping Day Or Night. 
No Left Turn. No Right Turn. No U-Turn. Wrong Way. 
No Junk Mail. No Circulars. No Squares. 
No Jandals. No Jeans. No Patches. 
No Passing. No Trespassing. No Admittance. 
No Entry. No Exit. No Engine Brakes. 
No Attitude. No Arguments. No Excuses. 
No Camping. No Fires. No Naked Flames. 
No Pedestrian Access. Post No Bills. Keep Off The Grass. 
No Cheques. No Credit. No Credit Cards. 
No Eftpos. No Refunds. No Change Given. 
No Charge. No Catch. No Try. 
No Talking. No Shoes. No Photos. 
No Warships. No Nukes. No Dumping Rubbish. 
No Plastic. No Glass. No Household Refuse. 
No Pets. No Petting. Please Do Not Touch. 
No Crossing. No Running. No Jumping. No Pushing. 
No Ducking. No Bombing. No Blood For Oil. 
No Condom – No Sex. 
No Bags Past This Point. 
No Drugs Or Cash Held On These Premises. 
No Tea Leaves Or Coffee Grinds Down Sink. 
No Guitars Used In This Recording. 
No Correspondence Will Be Entered Into. 
 

Listen to James Brown read ‘The No Poem‘

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

James Brown’s four poetry collections are Go Round Power Please (winner of the Jessie Mackay Best First Book of Poetry Award), Lemon, Favourite Monsters, and The Year of the Bicycle. He is also the author behind the non-fiction booklet Instructions for Poetry Readings and, in 2005, edited The Nature of Things: Poems from the New Zealand Landscape. He has been a finalist in the Montana New Zealand Book Awards three times and is the editor of the online anthology Best New Zealand Poems 2008. He lives in Wellington with his partner and two children.

 

Return to 2008 contents >