HELENA LEON MAYER
Asking Holda questions
And Holda — while you are rooted in the lakes of a distant land — do you also visit the waters of other places — and might you — unlike us folk of another breath — know how to be a better guest?
And if you live at the bottom of bodies of water — Holda — do you follow me through every body of water that I float in — my own body — or rather my borrowed body?
And in that case — Holda — is it right that what I should say is not — I am going to swim — but rather — that I am going to pray?
And is it true — Holda — that you turn drunk men into cows — and if it is true — might I call your name when the men follow us home — so you might remind them their bodies are borrowed as well?
And is it true — Holda — that you once shook three rocks — that are many metres tall — from your shoe — and Holda — if you are so tall — might you come to gather me into your hands?
And Holda — when you collect the souls of the babies — the ones who have died — before they were named — the ones who were miscarried — the ones who came before their time — and hold them in your lake — until they are ready to return — in a different form — how heavy are they?
And Holda — the other names — Holle — Hel — Perchta — Berchta — Hecate — Frigg — Diana — are they your sisters — or older and younger evolutions of yourself — or names the others called you — when they didn’t understand?
And I heard — Holda — that I must finish my spinning before you pass by — but Holda — the seasons are the opposite here — so I don’t know when you might come by — and my spinning is clumsy and tangled — and will you punish me — when I have been weaving words instead?
And I heard — Holda — that I must finish cleaning by the time you pass — but Holda — the dishes grow from the bench — and the worn clothes grow from the floor — and the mould grows from the walls — and the spiders grow from the ceiling — so will you punish me – when I am doing my best?
And is it true — Holda — that you lead the Wild Hunt — the rushing of beasts and spirits across the sky — at winter solstice — or is this the invention — of the Brothers and the Christians — to turn you into evil?
And Holda — how is it possible — that it can rain — when you do your laundry — deep underwater?
And Holda — your face — is it true — that one half is young — and the other old — your very flesh — in the circle of time?
And — forgive me for asking — but Holda — do you have a lover? And if you do — Holda — what is her name?
And Holda — can you hear me — when I speak with this tongue?
And Holda — is it okay — for me to pull your name — over my body?
Holda and the witches
after Kim de L’Horizon
the witches wander the
wooded land the way a womb
wanders around the body
the witch hunter says
but what would he know?
at Walpurgisnacht
the witches split open the seams
of their breastbones and leave their
bodies behind they warp the sky
on their way to Holda’s mountain
when you are a witch you
cross into the gender traffic geschlechtsverkehr
you meet in the borderlines
of the shame regions schamgegend
when you are a witch you
find the future
by putting your
whole head into a vagina and
licking the cervix, the
bearingmotherthroat gebärmutterhals
when you are a witch you
curdle the future by shimmying
your whole hand down a throat
and dragging up the pooling
membrane of diaphragm
when you are a witch
you dig out the future from
between the liquid
lips of shame schamlippen
below the cavernous
swelling body schwellkörper
in the separation that scheide
sounds like the cut of a scissor
a mother mouth
like teeth on the wart
of the poison breast brustwarze
what do the witches know?
the witches know everything
about the body
the way it breaks in labour and
the way it unfolds in torture
in flames and in drowning
ringing in the pain
what does the witch hunter say?
he says we will take the fire
and spread it across the world
but Holda tells him
he is too late
the witches already have the future
caught beneath their nails
Glossary
Geschlechtsverkehr — Sexual intercourse, literally ‘gender traffic’
Schamgegend — Pubic region, literally ‘shame region’
Gebärmutterhals — Cervix, literally ‘bearing mother throat’
Membran — Diaphragm
Schamlippen — Labia, literally ‘shame lips’
Schwellkörper — Erectile tissue of clitoris or penis, literally ‘swelling body’ or ‘cavernous body’
Scheide — Vagina, also meaning ‘sheath’, ‘borderline’ or (as a verb) ‘separation’
Brustwarze — Nipple, literally ‘breast wart’
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Helena Leon Mayer (German, Pākehā) is a writer and clumsy crafter from Hauraki living in Te Whanganui-a-Tara. They are working on their first poetry collection at the IIML, in conversation with the pre-Christian Germanic deity Holda, who lives in a lake not too far away from where Helena‘s grandmothers live. Their writing can be found in issues of Starling and in letters to their friends.