TURBINE | KAPOHAU

‘Hello Father.’ I couldn’t help myself. 

Father Chris looked a little annoyed at this. Then his gaze shifted back to my tits and he followed me into the bedroom. I’d been surprised to hear from him again. After the stern advice I’d given him the last time, I expected him to move on to other hookers who made him feel less like a bad person. Maybe he liked being told off.  

When the text came through, I’d stopped and wondered if I actually wanted to see him again. It was strange, it’s not like he was particularly difficult or disgusting, but something about it felt wrong. It’s not like I really believed in God anymore, or sin, but it made me feel complicit in something I couldn’t put a name to. However, I was on the hustle. I’d found an Airbnb I liked the look of and the thought of relocating to somewhere that didn’t make me want to kill myself was enough of a push. I wasn’t being picky, I was taking anything that came my way. 

‘Ok, you know the drill now,’ I said. ‘We do the boring bit, payment and shower, first. Then we do the fun bit.’ 

He pulled at his beard. ‘Yes… erm… I wanted to talk to you about that. The payment part.’  

For fuck’s sake. I wondered if he was going to ask me for a discount. I kept my face as neutral as I could.  

‘Yes? Is there a problem?’ 

He was tugging at his beard so hard, it looked like he was trying to pull it off. ‘Well… um… I brought some extra cash today, you see.’ 

I perked up a bit. ‘Ok, how come?’ 

‘I wanted to ask you about an extra service, something not on your site.’ 

I knew where this was going. ‘Well Father, I think I informed you last time that it’s actually illegal for a service provider in this country to offer any services without a condom—’ 

He cut me off. ‘Oh, not that. I know that. It was um… something else.’ 

‘Ok. What?’ 

He looked around as if the walls had ears. ‘I wanted to ask if you would consider. Well… a, um… a scenario that finished with you… um…’ 

His time would be up before he managed to tell me what he wanted. ‘It’s ok. Spit it out, we’re pretty non-judgmental around here.’ I said this, steeling myself. Just when you least expected it, they came out with the weirdest shit. 

‘Ok, um, well… I was wondering if, at the end of the session, you’d consider… um… urinating on me?’ 

Oh, that was all. ‘You want a golden shower? That’s no problem, it’ll be $300 extra though.’ I usually charged less, but he got the annoyance tax. 

He nodded, looking so relieved that he’d have probably paid double. ‘That’s fine.’ He started fumbling cash out of his pockets. 

‘And just to let you know, there are some rules. I’m happy to deliver the service, but I don’t want to get involved in it. Like, get messy or anything like that, not my thing. Also to minimise the mess factor, I’ll bring a plastic sheet in here and we’ll do it on the floor, but it needs to be at the end of the session. So, we finish fucking or whatever we’re doing, and you lie down, I stand over you and let the floodgates open.’ 

He looked confused. ‘So, you can’t do it while we’re having sex?’ God knows what kind of crazy German piss porn he’d been watching.  

‘Unfortunately not. This is the way I do it.’ 

‘But how will I, um, finish?’ 

‘A way that I’m sure you’re familiar with if you were a virgin up until this year, Father… D.I.Y.’ 

I tucked his money away in the dressing room, filled up my water bottle, and fetched the folded plastic sheet. It was a pain in the arse to clean, last time I used it I’d left it in the shower with the water running and a corner of it had blocked the drain and flooded the entire kitchen. But the extra cash made the fuck around worthwhile.  

We both undressed and lay down on the bed. Of course, Chris wanted to yap, which was fine, it gave me a chance to chug as much water as possible. 

This was his version of confession. There was more bragging, more telling me about how busy he’d been, how many working girls he’d seen since he saw me last. Apparently, he’d had to go to Napier on church business and had sought out a ‘lovely young local woman’ who he ended up seeing three times. 

‘She was only twenty, but very mature for her age, she—’ 

‘How old are you, Chris?’ 

‘Fifty-four. I’ll be fifty-five in January.’ 

‘Do you not think it’s kind of gross for you to be seeking out women thirty years younger than you?’ My gloves were off. 

He looked at me as if he’d never even considered this. ‘What do you mean? I know I shouldn’t be doing any of this, so I don’t think it makes a difference what age—’ 

I cut him off. ‘You never think about how these younger girls are pretty much young enough to be your granddaughters?’ 

‘Well… I’ve never had children, or been married, so I suppose I’ve never really thought like that.’ 

‘Maybe you should. I’m just saying.’ 

‘Hmm. Well, anyway, the girl in Napier told me that I was one of the best lovers that she’d had in a long time.’ 

In this economy, if he came and saw her three times in two days, she’d have told him that his penis was solid gold. He droned on and on.  

‘So, you didn’t think about what I said last time? About protecting yourself? It just takes one person finding out about this stuff and your priesthood is done.’ 

He looked like a child who’d been told it was too close to lunch to have an ice cream. ‘Well… if that happens, it will be God’s will.’ 

This felt like a cop-out. Over the past week I felt like I’d been to hell and back inside my own head, battling with feelings about all the things I’d done wrong. If I was able to accept them, admit them, but the fucking priest wasn’t, then surely there was no hope for any of us. 

‘You don’t feel bad about any of this stuff?’ 

‘Well… of course I feel bad. I am aware it’s a sin.’ 

‘But you don’t want to even try and not sin? You’re not worried that the big man upstairs is keeping a list of strikes against you?’  

I wondered if I was. I didn’t think it was God exactly, but karma, the universe, something. I’d run through my own life like a bulldozer, not caring what I wrecked along the way. I couldn’t help feeling like all the recent pain was my own cosmic punishment.  

He looked at me as if I was stupid. ‘Do you not know how Catholicism works? It doesn’t matter what sins you’ve committed as long as you’re absolved of them.’ 

‘You mean confession?’ 

‘Yes. Through confession we are able to confess, repent and then be absolved. It’s like wiping the slate clean. That’s why there’s no point in me doing it just yet, while… well, while I explore the things I want to explore.’ 

He’d probably wait until he’d run through all the categories on PornHub before he decided to bite the bullet. ‘Ok, that makes sense. But do you really think that’s true? You don’t believe in hell or anything like that? Like there’s any kind of comeuppance for doing this much shit you shouldn’t be doing?’ 

‘Well, of course I believe in… in Lucifer. He’s a fallen angel of course, he’s not corporeal. But as long as I’m absolved, that really doesn’t matter.’ 

‘Ok.’ I was getting quite into this conversation. ‘But say you’re hit by a car, crossing the road when you leave here? What then? You wouldn’t be absolved, then. Surely that means you’d go to hell.’ 

He looked uncomfortable. ‘Well, I think that’s highly unlikely.’ 

‘Yes, but it could happen. Anything could happen. I’m just saying that maybe you’re not as safe as you think you are.’  

‘Hmm.’ He looked at the clock and reached down to fiddle with his flaccid dick. ‘I think that’s enough philosophising, can we get on with it?’ 

After an uninspiring round of bugs-bunny humping, he paused and pulled out. ‘I think I’m close, can we move to the… um… the finish?’ 

I shook out the plastic sheet, which was aqua and covered in tiny blue waves and whales, a child’s shower curtain. I got Chris in position, lying with his head in the middle. Standing over him with a leg either side, I was ready. He gaped up at my pussy like a goldfish. 

‘You good?’ 

He nodded, pulling frantically at his cock, which looked like it was about to explode. 

‘Where do you want it? Dick, chest, face, mouth?’ 

‘Everywhere. Everywhere!’ 

Peeing on command, especially standing up, is hard, but luckily for Chris I had years of practice. I concentrated, squeezed as hard as I could, and a few seconds later a torrent of warm piss rained directly on the priest. I aimed at his dick, causing him to tug at it even more frantically while his face changed to an expression of something close to rapture. I changed my aim, moving upwards across his scrawny chest, soaking the sparse scattering of hair and his little pink nipples, until finally I reached his mouth, which was wide open and waiting. It filled quickly and he gulped it down. I paused. ‘More?’ 

 He nodded like a lunatic, so I filled his mouth again and watched as he swallowed it. I could feel my bladder getting close to empty but before it did, I couldn’t help myself. I aimed a bit higher, directly into his bulging eyes. 

‘Ow, ow, ow.’ He was screeching, but his hand didn’t leave his cock and then he was shuddering. As I watched, globules of thick white cum covered his wet stomach. 

 With any scenario like this, as soon as their balls emptied the clients reached a moment of clarity, and with it came absolute horror and disgust. Father Chris was no exception. 

‘My eyes. Ow, ow, my eyes.’  

 You’d have thought he’d been the victim of an acid attack. I squirted some water from my bottle onto a towel and wiped his face. His eyes were still screwed shut. 

‘You’re fine, just try blinking.’ 

 He blinked owlishly, then seemed to realise he wasn’t permanently blinded, and tried to sit up. 

‘Whoa… just wait a sec. There’s a lot of mess there.’ I cocooned him in towels, so he didn’t splash piss everywhere and sent him waddling off to shower. I busied myself cleaning up the mess. A few minutes later I returned to the room and found him dressed. 

 ‘That was quick,’ I said. ‘Shall I walk you to the door?’ I noticed, with an inner smile, that his eyes were very red. ‘How are your eyes?’ 

He looked slightly less friendly than he had at the start. ‘A bit sore. I’ll be alright, I suppose, but don’t you think you could have avoided that area?’ 

 I shook my head sadly. ‘Unfortunately not, Father. Like so many things in life, it must’ve been God’s will.’